Home or BUSt

This post really belongs on Josh's "autism blog" but I don't think anyone really reads that blog so I'm putting it on here. Yesterday my son rode a school bus for the first time. Now this is kind of big milestone for most kids (and moms) but the fact that Joshua just barely turned 4 and has special needs, made it extra tough. I don't think most preschoolers take the bus. Until now I have driven Josh the 6 miles (24 round trip) to school every day since September 2008 excluding holidays and weekends, but including summer. Now I'm not trying to brag. I'm just trying to make myself feel better for putting my baby on the bus. The mere thought of which still causes my stomach to flip flop unhappily inside of me. I tried to hold out until next fall when Josh starts Kindergarten and it's more socially acceptable to bus your child but the back and forth was getting hard on Jane, and on the car, and to be honest, on me. So I bit the bullet.

Yesterday was Josh's first day back to school after our vacation and of course we missed the bus TO school because of me. I thought it would be fun, since we were running a little late to go get some McDonald's and eat it in the car while waiting for the bus. Then Jane and I would follow the bus on it's route. Why follow the bus? My mom always followed the bus to school for each one of her children's first rides. I remember standing up (no seat belts back then) and looking out the back window. I saw my mom's car and even though I was scared I felt safe and loved. So I always knew I would follow my kids on their first trip on the school bus. I had no idea it would come so early with Josh, or that he would be in a car seat and unable to see me out the window.

Since we missed the bus to school, I followed his bus home. When l told his afternoon bus driver I would be following her home, she explained to me that she had several other stops with a look that said, "are you sure you want to do this?" Absolutely. Josh happily climbed aboard his bus and his other bus driver came over to introduce himself to Josh. I though that was really sweet and it made me feel better. Then I saw that two of Josh's buddies from his class were on his bus so I felt even better. Still, when I pulled my car behind his little bus, I was fighting back the tears. At the house of one of Josh's buddies, the person who came to pick him up off the bus gave me a little wave. The bus driver had pointed me out to her, probably to explain why a strange white car was following the bus that day. And then she did something miraculous, she gave me the thumbs-up sign. I don't know this woman but I imagine she's a mom like me and knows what it feels like to put your kid on the bus for the first time. Her thumbs-up made me feel better almost immediately. No longer was I some overprotective freak mother who couldn't let her baby go. I was a MOM! And I had the right to make myself sick with worry, but more importantly; I had the right to watch out for my offspring in whatever way I felt was right. That moment was followed by an uneventful ride home and the sight of a smiling little boy hopping off the bus. I was also grateful to learn the Josh's bus driver herself has a four-year-old. Seems good to me to have another mom driving the bus.

Josh's bus ride to school this morning went well. He had a great time despite the fact the bus ride lasted 45 minutes. I don't think even Jason has that long of a commute. Here's my little hero climbing off the bus, a little unsure but still smiling. I'm not 100% sure I'm doing the right thing but we'll give it a shot. I can always take him off the bus and drive him to school...at least until he goes away to college.